Resolve to be better
JAY REMER
The etiquette guy
Published Saturday December 27, 2008

Christmas in New Orleans with best friends was a magical time for us this year. Soon we will be ringing in the New Year. With that comes the question of what resolution to make. I have never kept a resolution before. Many years I don't make one at all, let alone the long list some people strive for.

Should I lose 25 pounds? Go to the gym? Go for a walk every day? Perhaps I should change my diet and eliminate white flour and sugar in the hopes I'll feel better and have more energy? These are some of the ambitious ideas floating through my mind; some suggested by close friends.

I was recently sent two quotes by my nephew:

"Make today your day to start that uncomfortable new habit."
- Jack Canfield, motivational speaker and best-selling author

"Remember, a real decision is measured by the fact that you've taken new action. If there's no action, you haven't truly decided."
- Tony Robbins, self-help writer, entrepreneur and professional speaker

Sometimes we need to hear things or read things we've heard and read before, simply phrased differently or received at a time when our minds are more open. I hope when you are making your resolutions this year that these quotations can empower you too.

These goals do not pertain to us only as individuals but as families, too. A woman wrote me the following note which sums up my thoughts on this subject.

Dear Jay,

I have been enjoying your columns for many months now and have an idea for your readers. Consider making New Year's resolutions that incorporate your advice in our daily lives. Perhaps we could resolve to be more inclusive in our gatherings by including someone new. We could resolve in the new year to gather at the table with our children, making a special event of a daily meal, if this is feasible.

We will travel to New Brunswick just to be at the New Year's Eve gathering at the arena in St. Andrews. It is truly a family event. The activities are planned and shared by the community. This is an etiquette exercise for the entire town. It demonstrates the kindness, politeness and caring that is the essence of etiquette and good manners: good will toward all.

- L.W.

It is gratifying to me that the few words of advice I include every week are not falling on deaf ears. This is a great time of year to reinforce the family values which are so important. It is also a good time to be mindful of those of us who are less fortunate. Perhaps there is a single mom out there struggling to make ends meet as well as spend meaningful time with her children. Consider including them in your family outings. Be a friend to her and a mentor to her kids.

Perhaps you know an elderly person who can't get out much at this time of year and who is lonely. Try to take the time to check in on them or at least phone them from time to time and offer to go shopping for them or help them with housework. By getting involved in your community, you will develop a real sense of belonging and your heart will glow.

Above all, remember to take care of yourself. If you set a goal and fail to stay on track, be gentle with yourself. Try to keep the goal in mind and take smaller steps to achieve it. If you don't look out for yourself, you won't really be able to look after anyone else. Changing old habits and beginning new ways of acting and communicating are not always going to feel comfortable. As Mother Theresa often said in such cases, "Do it anyway."

We have many challenges facing us in the coming months. As individuals and as a strong community, we will bring about the necessary changes. I wish everyone a healthy and prosperous New Year and look forward to continuing to answer your questions. Let's make respect a priority this year, both of others and of ourselves.

Jay Remer is certified by the Protocol School of Washington as a consultant for corporate etiquette and international protocol. He lives in St. Andrews. E-mail your etiquette questions to jay@etiquetteguy.com and visit his website at www.etiquetteguy.com.