Tips for the wait staff
JAY REMER
The etiquette guy
Published Saturday November 8, 2008

A reader sent me this interesting question about how to handle poor service.

Hello Jay,

I enjoy your weekly column and have a question for you. What is the protocol in a restaurant where the wait staff has had no training in basic wine service let alone in the art of the sommelier? My wife and I recently entertained a friend in a dining room in St. Andrews where the very pleasant young waitress knew nothing about wine service. She did not give the host an opportunity to taste the wine and filled the host's glass before the two guests, etc. Is it poor form to gently assist the waiter or should one just accept the lack of training the wait staff has received and grin and bear it? To the credit of the young lady, she apologized for not knowing anything about wine service.

In my New Brunswick dining experiences, I find the attitude of the usually young staff excellent but they have received only marginal training in the art of fine dining. Most of these pleasant young people have not been brought up in a home where fine dining experiences are part of their formative years so it is incumbent on the owner/manager to give the proper training. It is difficult to change a poor attitude, but skills can be acquired at any stage in one's life.

Cheers, Ian

Dear Ian,

I hear this question often. Fine dining restaurants frequently neglect to properly train their staff, both on the floor and in the kitchen. This has always puzzled me as it does the server and the establishment an injustice. The result is often a reduced tip as well as dissatisfied clients who may not return.

As far as the proper protocol for your particular situation, you need to bring this to the attention of the restaurant manager. And it is important to do this without embarrassing the server. It is the manager who deserves any negative remarks you might have. However, I find proper protocol can be cumbersome and it is easier to help the server out of their bind by making a couple of helpful suggestions, if you think they would be well received. When I managed our restaurant I would keep a close eye on new server's tables and gently assist when needed.

I completely concur with you when you mention that, although they may not have much experience with formal dining, this young workforce have an excellent attitude. Teaching the correct skills will enhance the atmosphere and reputation of any establishment and give these youngsters valuable tools for their careers and life in general. I hope this helps.

Regards, Jay

Generally speaking, if you are unhappy with your meal, please speak with your server. They will deliver your complaint to either the manager or the chef. The manager will most likely speak with you directly to define the problems. He or she needs your feedback because they want your dining experience to be a positive one. That's what building a loyal clientele and a good reputation are all about.

When tipping your server, you must remember they did not prepare the food. Poor food quality should not be a factor in deciding on a tip. I suggest a 15-per-cent gratuity in most restaurants and 20 per cent in expensive restaurants. Wait staff earn most of their livelihood from tips, not from their hourly wages. This is a profession where people take great pride in delivering good service, especially if they have been properly trained and instilled with confidence. The experience of a delicious meal in fine surroundings and with pleasant servers can make for magical occasions. It is a time where mutual respect between client and wait staff can blossom.

The food and beverage industry aspires to exceed customers' expectations. Don't be shy when it comes to giving feedback, positive or negative. It shows you have respect for the restaurant, its staff and its guests.

Jay Remer is certified by the Protocol School of Washington as a consultant for corporate etiquette and international protocol. He lives in St. Andrews. E-mail your etiquette questions to jay@etiquetteguy.com and visit his website at www.etiquetteguy.com.