Graduating with class
JAY REMER
The etiquette guy
Published Saturday April 19, 2008

Now that spring has arrived, some people have turned their attention to upcoming graduation ceremonies and associated celebratory parties.

I have been asked by a number of readers how to deal with some very sensitive issues around sending out announcements and invitations. Graduating from high school or college is an accomplishment worthy of high praise. The graduates and their families are justifiably proud and want to let everyone know – especially relatives and friends who live far away. For close friends and family who live within easy travelling distance, you may even want them to attend the ceremony and/or celebration. At many schools the number of people a graduate can invite to the graduation ceremony is limited. However, after the ceremony, there will often be a party where the honoree and his/her family can invite those who could not be invited to the ceremony.

How is this whole thing most efficiently handled? First of all, you need to make lists; one for the ceremony, one for announcements only, and one for the celebration. There will be some duplication, as those people invited to the ceremony will also most likely be invited to the celebration, but not always.

I find that the safest way of handling this is to send out invitations specific to each event. Those living nearby who will be invited to the ceremony or the celebration should receive their invitations 10 to 14 days prior to the graduation. Those persons living far away need a month's notice. Make sure the invitations have an RSVP on them. Those receiving only announcements should receive theirs one or two weeks following the graduation.

There are a couple of points of etiquette of which to be mindful. One, please be sure the invitations and announcements are hand-addressed.

Find someone with legible handwriting, much as you would for a wedding invitation or announcement. Two, be sure to ask the invitee to RSVP within two days of receiving the invitation.

There is no excuse for them not to. Three, as a graduate receiving a gift of any kind – money, jewelry or other – make sure you send a thankyou note within 48 hours. This not only shows you have respect for the kind person wh o gave you the gift, but also it reflects well on you.

When I first arrived in St. Andrews in May 1994, the daughter of a friend of my parents' was set to graduate from Sir James Dunn Academy. It was a justifiably exciting time for her and her parents. My parents were getting dressed up to go and join this girl and her parents for the "grand march," an intriguing sounding event.

I asked several long-time St. Andrews residents as to whether this was a local tradition. It turned out to be very local, with variations of the grand march in Saint John, Harvey and St. Stephen. I also found one mention in Booth Bay Harbor.

So, I asked, "What's with the grand march?" One of my friends replied, "They've been doing it here for more than 20 years; how much longer, I have no idea. It's sort of like a 'coming out.' It starts off the senior dance evening with fathers and daughters, mothers and sons. It's now done at the Block House/ Centennial Park and almost the whole town turns out for the event. The line-up starts at the park gates with the graduates, all in pretty sophisticated dress; most of the boys are dressed in tuxes and the girls are dressed in gowns – kind of like the red carpet at the Academy Awards.

"They follow the path within Centennial Park, cross the bridge at the upper end and when they pass by the building that's at the upper end the couple is 'presented' – 'Joy Smith accompanied by her father Sam.' And so on and so on...

"Once everyone has been presented, there's a first dance which traditionally is fathers/daughters; mothers/sons and then lots of picture-taking, family congratulations, and then the kids go off to their dance." I love tradition and think this is a wonderful example.

There are a couple of points of etiquette and protocol which come to mind. First and foremost for the graduates, take pride in how you look. Be clean; young men, trim your beards neatly; young ladies, get a manicure and comb your hair beautifully.

Make sure your clothes are clean, properly pressed and that they fit.

I know it is tempting to want to be original and unique. This has been the case for generations. Try to resist temptation. Buy clothes that you will want to wear again. That lime green jacket may not be so useful down the road. A rule of thumb is to wear traditional clothing. Perhaps pick one item that stands out.

For example, men can wear a colourful tie or shirt. For ladies, perhaps a stylish hat or whimsical top would set you apart from the crowd. Most all, have a great time and revel in the splendour that comes with this important milestone in your lives.

► Read this column at the Telegraph Journal online.